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Dr. Kimberly:
So here's one thing I do when I work with people. One-to-one I think there are certain changes that may be needed. Um, but you got to give people a good reason. Like you coming in, saying you just need to shift your mindset. And that is putting everything back on them, not considering systemic issues and other things that are happening. Other obligations that black women have, um, neurodivergent people and black people pay extra taxes. And I don't mean what you pay to the IRS. When things cost more for us, when you have to travel further, you have to exert extra effort. Then those are taxes on us. Um, for example, I didn't like how my child was being treated at school. And so by trying to keep my child safe, I had to pay extra taxes on his public education and by people at work and an institution trying to treat me like a pack mule.
I had to pay extra taxes on my income and also with my health. So it wasn't just a matter of shifting my mindset. So when I work with people, we talk about different assumptions that people use, but just telling people they need to shift their mindset. First of all, it really doesn't give them anything to work with. Number one. So it's just not very useful. Um, and number two nerd, a lot of neurodivergent people, we already blame ourselves for a lot of things already. And so to then put one more thing on us is just like a double burden. And I don't like doing that to my clients because people did it to me. And what it amounted to was, they didn't know how to coach me. Bitch Say that. Say you don't know how to coach me.
Contessa:
Say that. Um, I've made a statement on Facebook and one of my most popular videos on Tik Tok says no neurotypical coach can tell me how to run my business period. They cannot, they cannot. Um, another thing that I wanted to add to you said, point 1, point 2, point 3 is... How dare you come to me with this idea of mindset? When bitch you don't know me. You have no idea what I've done. You have no idea what I've tried. You just looked at me being a black woman and assume, I don't know shit. Fuck off! I'm sorry. Cool. I'm alright.
Dr. Kimberly:
Well, and you know what, and people who came to me with like that, it demand dismisses how far I've had to come so far. And it actually harmed me to have people shove that down my throat. It made me it triggered something in me. And, um, and then they started getting into areas that they just should not have gotten into. But that was one thing. And I remember having a clean and she was insistent like there be some acknowledgment for all the little things that she's had to do along the way. And I understand that I get that because existing in ignorance, typical-based world requires so much more effort than it does for the average nerd quote, unquote neuro-typical mind, um, that people have no idea what the costs are to us. And it just feels like, um, dismissing or invalidating to have someone show you, take all of this, wrapping up one little neat bow and say, you just need to shift your mindset.
Contessa:
Nice. I work with a lot of individuals who have anxiety. And so one of the things I do is say, okay, we're going to start here in a week. We're going to increase the price to this. And the next week we're going to embrace this, or we're going to keep in creasing the price to where, you know, it's, it's up here with, you know, those price that everybody else kind of charges in the marketplace don't want to charge too less because people don't take you serious. Right. Whatever it is, you're, you're not worth it. So we're going to gradually increase our prices. So you don't freak out the price and people just shut all the way down, like I'm not doing.
Dr. Kimberly:
And I think it depends, um, because that's essentially what I've done for myself is okay. Something that I charged like $2,000 for now is, was like eight, seven, $800, like a year ago, because I just didn't understand. Um, and so I acknowledge that I may be undercharging things, but I give myself permission to look at going higher. Yes. Um, and just know that you're probably as a woman, as a black woman, as a nerd, a virtual person, you are probably undervalue in your time,
Contessa:
Uh, uh, loosely. So what does that mean for you to undervalue your time?
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